Ode to Scrubs

by Dr. Lisa Banks

1.jpegThese days’ scrubs seem to be all the rage. There are whole stores dedicated to various designs and patterns, and any trip to the grocery store or a big box store reveals that almost everyone is on the scrub wagon. Why not? They are inexpensive, easy to care for, and a good way to get your comfort on. Among the throngs clad in the ubiquitous scrubs, one group stands out: those that truly live the scrub life: Veterinary Technicians. You can tell who they are because THEIR scrubs are so obviously used in a medical way. They are typically fur covered, branded with a clinic name, and patterned with unidentifiable stains. Unless you catch them BEFORE work starts, at 6 am…

These highly skilled fur warriors are the joy of my life. I cannot tell you how many times a Tech has saved me from a mauling, a scratch, or a soaking in some unmentionable secretion. I have had numerous angry cats removed from my arm by techs. I have had uncounted tears soaked up by their scrubs as they hugged me. All my very best friends have been techs, and not by accident. You are my heroes, my family, and my comrades. This is a tribute to all the Veterinary Technicians I have known and the ones I have yet to meet. Thank you.

2.jpeg.jpgOde to Scrubs

Sung to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic

 

I went to work this morning with a hope for all the best!
My hair was fairly gleaming and my clothes were clean and pressed!
Patients filled the clinic and we all became so stressed,
My scrubs are not so fresh!

Chorus:
Gory, gory as the poop flies!
Gory, gory as the pee dries.
Gory, gory exudate tries
To stain my scrubs today.

The first case of the morning was an abscess on a cat
He was normal as can be until his butt became so fat.
We thought it was a tumor underneath that big fur matt
Now I’m stained with pus and scat!

Chorus

It’s challenging when every patient has to leave a mark
Be it on my clothes, my hair, my face, and places far more dark
The oozing, squirting nature of it often is quite stark
Warn by a meow or bark!

Chorus

A dog came in with anal glands so full that they did burst!
And just by looking at it I could tell it really hurts…
I’m grateful that as humans we do not suffer this curse
My  smell will get much worse.

Chorus

Picasso had his abstracts, Leonardo had his nudes
Artists paint a masterpiece according to their moods
But my scrubs add new dimension to an art form that is crude
These stains will not be moved!

Chorus

The funnest part is when I’m done and headed for my room
I stop at to pick up dinner cuz my house is like a tomb
Shoppers all around me will avoid me like the Doom
I smell like sewer plume…

Chorus

I know this is the job I love there’s nothing else for me
But the side effect is that I don’t have time considered free
To talk and sing and meet my friends, perhaps under a tree
My scrubs now smell like pee.

Chorus

Dr. Lisa Banks

lisaLisa Banks is a native of Buffalo, New York. She attended Midwestern University in Wichita Falls, Texas and graduated with a BS in Biology with a Chemistry minor. She then was accepted at the Texas A&M University College of Veterinary Medicine and graduated with a DVM. After working for six years in private practices throughout New York State, she joined Hill’s Pet Nutrition in 1998 as a Consulting Veterinarian. She remains with Hill’s today as a Professional Consulting Veterinarian. Her interests outside of work are horseback riding, miniature donkeys, and keeping the dogs and cats happy in her home base of Powhatan, Virginia with her husband Les.